Without delving into the intricacies of a modern heterosexual relationship, it was I who caved in tonight when the girlfriend said that she would be "embarrassed" by me if I wore my Dallas Cowboys jersey to a holiday party in hipster-centric Williamsburg.
 |
| Gifulmination.com |
Well, the couple in Williamsburg, friends of the girlfriend, not only graciously showed up at a surprise party last week for my 40th birthday, but they came bearing a pretty cool LEGO-based gift. Missing the party to watch football was not really an option. Besides, the game was televised locally and I figured that I might convince someone to grab the remote and click over from the holiday music-on-demand channel to Fox to watch the game.
The second issue was, "What do I wear?"
So, at half time, with Dallas enjoying a 26-3 lead, I was comfortable leaving the television and grabbing a taxi to traverse Brooklyn after succumbing to her potential embarrassment - stripping off my Dallas Cowboys game jersey for a non-hipster L.L. Bean Henley so that I could fit in better, but not fully, with the hipsters. Besides, my Snoopy Dallas Cowboys t-shirt was proudly being worn under the blue Henley,
The team was looking good overall. Regardless of the fact that too many drives had stalled in the red-zone and settlements were made for field goals, the defense was playing well and the game seemed well in hand.
I got in the cab and began listening to the radio broadcast on the Dallas Cowboys app on my phone as halftime ended. Arriving at the party, I pulled my ear-buds out and texted Mike S. to ask him to send me updates, thinking that the early 3rd quarter score from Green Bay was more luck than the catalyst for an epic 2nd-half Dallas Cowboys implosion.
It turns out that Green Bay score was just an appetizer of what was to come.
Oh, by the way, there were zero televisions in sight at the party. None in the living room, family room, or kitchen. I figured the bedrooms were closed for a reason, so I did not want to even ask if I could sneak into someone's private space to watch a football game completely separated from the party.
So, with my game jersey at home on the back of my desk chair, I retreated into a completely anti-social shell, watching updates on the Dallas Cowboys app and texting Mike.
As things started to unravel (we didn't have long to wait), I became more detached from my surroundings.
I switched from the Cowboys app to the NFL app so that I could get the play-by-play updates in the form of words on my tiny iPhone screen as I tried to socialize miserably between updates.
The texting with Mike became more frantic. I cursed Apple software and its ability to not autocorrect the F-word. "Ducking penalties." "Duck." "Are you ducking kidding me?" "They better ducking run the ball." "WTF? Why aren't they ducking running the ball?" "Duck me."
I haven't heard from Mike since the Packers took the lead late in the game. I have no idea if I should be worried. For a time, I thought that I was existing in a parallel universe to the part of the movie "Fever Pitch" where the Red Sox fanatic misses a game to go to his girlfriend's party and then destroys his relationship once he finds out that he missed the greatest game ever with his beloved team. This was the same thing, but instead of an epic victory, I bled through an epic loss staring at the glossy screen of my smart phone.
Maybe I am getting more emotional in my old age. Maybe I am softer now. Maybe I shouldn't have taken off the jersey. Maybe they should have run the ducking ball in the second half. I don't know anymore. I do know I won't be wearing the Snoopy shirt next week.
At least my relationship is very intact although my heart was broken, once again, by my favorite football team. Duck.
-Todd Vorenkamp
No comments:
Post a Comment