Dwight Howard Might Get Too Fat If He Signs With Houston

I am officially jealous of Dwight Howard. It has nothing to do with his fame or all the love that so many cities are showing him. it has nothing to do with his basketball prowess or his bank account either (okay, maybe a little).

It’s all the free food everyone keeps offering him.

Raising Cane’s in the Dallas area started the food fight by offering Howard free chicken fingers for life if he signs with the Mavericks. With that offer fat guys everywhere began practicing their jump shots in hopes that they too could one day get such an offer.

Not to be outdone by the allure of chicken fingers, the City of Houston has responded. Led by Sean Pendergrast, a Yahoo! Sports personality, should Dwight go to Houston the only thing he’ll need a refrigerator for is beer.

Sean’s rant that got the ball rolling is classic:

Nobody eats more than Houston. Nobody loves food more than Houston. Nobody knows better how to properly deploy food than Houston.

WE. ARE. FAT.

The response has been overwhelming. The Kolache Factory has offered up a lifetime supply of kolaches, these sweet little pastries that are absolutely delicious.

Not only are they looking to take care of Dwight, the Kolache Factory wants to show the fans some love as well. If he signs with Houston they are giving away free kolaches to everyone on July 15 (great way to make sure the fans love you Dwight...)

Man can’t live off of desert pastries alone (I’ve tried; it isn’t pleasant). If he signs with Houston he will also get free barbecue from Beef and Bun BBQ, calzones from Nick’s Place, and burgers from the Hubcap Grill.

In case the food was not enough—McGrath Pest Control has ponied up free pest control as well.

So in one city you have chicken fingers and in the other you have kolaches, barbecue, calzones, burgers, and no bugs.

Sounds like a pretty easy decision from this fat guy’s perspective.