Lakers Using Hollywood Fire Power to Keep Dwight Howard in Los Angeles

The race to acquire the services of Dwight Howard is on! Houston got its shot to pitch to the big man and word is that it was a pretty good one (although it has been reported that Howard said he wished Houston had one other marquee player).

When it comes to pitches though there is no town in the world that knows the art of the pitch quite like Hollywood--and it is doing what it can to keep Howard in Los Angeles.

Dwight Howard is all about winning championships, but the big man will have no problem becoming larger than life in the process if he can. Houston offered him the Chinese market where the Rockets have become popular thanks to Yao Ming and Jeremy Lin.

While a whole other market outside of the United States has to be intriguing the Lakers have a way to take Howard global--with his own reality show.  Supposedly there have already been preliminary talks between Howard and Time Warner Cable for a show, but there has been no word on what exactly the show would be about.

I'm going to suggest Dwight Plus Kate Equals 8. He's already got the kids and Kate Gosselin isn't doing much these days...

But the problem there would be there is no guarantee that it would do well. If you watch too much television (like me) than you are all too aware that networks are willing to pull the plug on a show fairly quick if people don't tune in. With advertisers having to be kept happy there is no way Time Warner doesn't pull it if it tanks.

And then the whole reality show is a bust.

Anyway...if that wasn't enough he got a phone call from someone urging him to say that I can't imagine too many people ever saying no to.

Jack Nicholson. Come on--picture it: 

Dwight: Hello?
Jack: Dwight. This is Jack. Jack Nicholson.
Dwight: Hello Mr. Nicholson.
Jack: Call me Jack, Dwight.
Dwight: Okay--Jack.
Jack: And do you know why you can call me Jack, Dwight?
Dwight: Because you told me to?
Jack: Because we're friends Dwight, and friends call each other by the first name. And do you know what else they do Dwight?
Dwight: Wait six months before hooking up with ex-girlfriends?
Jack (animated): They don't leave town, Dwight. Not without asking their friends first if that's okay! Have you asked me, Dwight?
Dwight: No, but--
Jack (angry): No buts Dwight! You didn't ask so you can't do it. Sign the damn contract with Jerry and be done with damn it! Do I make myself clear, Dwight?
Dwight: Yes, sir, Mr Nicholson. Jack, sir.
Jack (after a dramatic pause and calm): That's great Dwight. I'm glad we got that cleared up. No go get some hoes or something.

Click.

I couldn't say no to Jack. I'd be afraid those eyebrows would raise and he'd peer into my soul discovering my deepest, darkest secrets in the process.

Like where I hide my Double Stuff Oreo Cookies at.