Dallas Cowboys are Playing! Where's My Lucky Underwear?

I apologize for any and all Dallas Cowboys losses in the early 1990's. I owned a pair of white Dallas Cowboys boxer shorts. They weren't the most comfortable pair of shorts that I owned, but Dallas seemed to win every time I wore them.

Of course, that was a long time ago, and the Cowboys were winning many more games than they were losing, but I am pretty sure the team was batting 1.000 when I was sporting the boxers and, when the boxers were buried in the dirty laundry, the team would lose.

via Twitterr

Eventually the boxers disintegrated from near-daily use and, at some point, probably in the offseason, I inexplicably threw them away. Troy Aikman then retired and the rest, as you know, is a bleak history of the past two decades of Super Bowl/playoff drought.

Fast forward to early 2014. There is a sale on custom jerseys. I already have a white jersey. I order a blue one. I still like my white one.

Week 1. I wear the white jersey. Dallas loses their opener. Is the sky falling? Is this the start of another 8-and-8 lackluster season of frustration?

Week 2. I wear the blue jersey. Dallas wins.

Week 3. I have to teach sailing. No jersey. Dallas wins.

Week 4. I go to Dallas to watch the game and I wear my blue jersey at AT&T Stadium. Dallas wins.

Week 5, 6, 7....blue jersey. Anyway, you get the picture.

The problem with superstitions is that they start to dictate your wardrobe. The problem with winning streaks is that they start to dictate your superstitions. It is a vicious cycle.

Eventually, the blue jersey will not work. The team will lose while I wear the jersey. Or, they will lose when I don't wear the jersey. Or, they will win and I wont be wearing the jersey. The possibilities are endless.

The same goes for the rubber Dallas wristband that is worn on my right wrist with the letters facing me. Last week, I gave my girlfriend a yellow wrist band. I told her that, if Dallas was losing at halftime, she would have to take it off. The white jersey was standing by for a halftime wardrobe shift.

Every win creates a strange self analysis of clothing, behavior, and accessories that must not be altered for the next week's game.

This week:

Monday Night Football. Check.

Dallas vs. Washington. Check.

Blue jersey. Check.

Bracelet. Check.

Pulled pork (worked in week 6). Check.

Consuming oxygen. Check.

Lets see what happens tonight.

Yes, I am aware that my attire, dinner, seating position, and oxygen consumption has no effect on what happens on the field. But, that doesn't mean I will be wearing the white jersey tomorrow night...unless they are losing at halftime.

Also, would the TV and radio voices please stop referring to Dan Bailey as the most accurate kicker in the history of the NFL? Yikes. How do you spell "jinx?"

Anyway, superstition sucks, but I still feel the need to apologize to the dynasty teams of the early 90's for causing some loses.

by Todd Vorenkamp

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